A Wall So Strong

Wall:

I stand here, tall and Strong....

Here comes the Landlord, paints me blue to divulge his pride.

Then comes the Landlady, throws some green just from envy.

Here comes the Son, colours me with crimson to adore the beauty.

Then comes the Daughter,smothers some brown to feel Contemporary.

Here comes a Little Boy to smear me with gold, to sense protection.

Here comes the Wind to trample over, then comes the Rain to rubble me down

Here comes the Sun Bright and warm to say " You are a wall so strong"

Paint me Blue & Paint me Green. Bring on Pink& Bring on Gold.

Blow the wind and Bring the Rain.

But I stand there, tall and strong because I am a wall.

Art of Acceptance & Appreciation

I aimed to soar high in the sky; I realized I had no wings. I learnt the Art of acceptance.
I looked forward to walk; today I can run. I learnt the art of appreciation.

I wanted to dive deep down in the sea and swim; I realized I was not a fish. I learnt the art of acceptance.
I started to read for amusement, today I read for knowledge. I learnt the art of appreciation.

I dreamt of toy house and ginger bread house, I realized life is not a fairy tale. I learnt the art of acceptance.
I longed for a happy family; I was blessed with compassionate family. I learnt the art of appreciation.

I dreamt of cruising the world, I realized I was no captain. I learnt the art of acceptance.
I feared the stage; today I face the crowd. I learnt the art of appreciation.

I solved math to be an engineer, I realized it was too complex. I learnt the art of acceptance.
I took up business administration; I became a successful HR. I learnt the art of appreciation.

I dreamt of making life in a country far, I realized it is beyond reach. I learnt the art of acceptance.
I dreamt for a home, I live under parents’ care and family of comforts. I learnt the art of appreciation.

I called for a long holiday on a distant Island; I realized it was too far. I learnt the art of acceptance.
I sought indulgence; I enjoy the comfort. I learnt the art of appreciation.

I feared wrong decisions,I made many. I learnt the art of acceptance.
I set out to become a strong individual, I gathered courage to face the world. I learnt the art of appreciation.

I wished for un-compromised friendships, I found new, but I lost many good. I learnt the art of acceptance.
I looked for love, found it bountiful. I learnt the art of appreciation.

I longed for friendship; in him I found love. I learnt the art of appreciation.


I hope to forget the past of life’s experiences that taught me as the art of acceptance.
I wish to cherish the moments which life brings in the form of appreciations.

Life is not a bed of Roses. While it taught me the art of acceptance, it also made me realize the value of appreciation.

Me and My cooking experience

Culinary art I suppose is one of the god’s gifts to all those great cooks of the world. The list surely would top with my mothers name followed by my whole array of aunts, uncles and cousins, who are not only experts in getting the authentic Iyengar Cusine right for those perfect taste buds, who are all well versed with those buttery Panneer butter masala and those crispy gobi manchuriens.

Well for someone like me, cooking is not only an art but rocket science if I may term it. I would prefer more into analysis as to why hp/Compaq merger did not work or rather understand the market behavior during the slowdown, may be to do a little more justice to my profession I prefer to exercise my brain on how to train cross functional teams.

Well now that my wedding is planned for late February, there is enough pressure for the D day, to add a little more spice to this is, one hell a statement from all “Learn Cooking” This source of statement comes from all possible channels right from my mother to my fiancé who knows my culinary expertise is an absolute zilch. Well every time I hear that I feel like yelling to the sky “Why me??” Every time I try to ponder for an answer through various source I get to hear various hilarious response in my head ( my opinion)

Girls should know cooking; - My brain is already questioning “What about the opposite sex?” They sit and eat??? Well I love to as well.

It’s important that every Indian woman know cooking so husbands are happy- the next I can imagine is a TV ad where a happy family is portrayed while newly wed wife is serving her husband and mother in law eating in all silence, while husband gives some hard core exercise to his taste buds and tries to break the silence while saying “ Tumahara Kaana , Maa ke haath ke Kaana se accha hain” ( Your cooking is more tastier then mom cooking) While the Wife blushes and mom all shocked the camera rolls to the oil she uses.
I try to relate this, and then I get horrified, I can never do this! I say to myself “Hey I don’t need a certificate for being a good cook!” I'm not a foodie by nature, but I certainly would need an edible stubance for food.

Well before I lose the essence of this blog let me share my most awaited sought after experience of the day. The day could not have started more perfect rather imperfect after the aftermath of my experience. I wake up to the call of the milk man, get my self a sizzling hot cuppa well brewed coffee( I did my own) and sit back and relax savoring the aroma. Then my phone rings, mom on the other end, we exchange quick talks and few important stuff, later goes the instructions “ Keep the Rava Idly Batter ready by the time I am back home” Well I know this is my chance to learn the great skill and I readily agree and pounce on it.
Once I am done with my daily routine, I realize I have ample time to even make my breakfast and follow this instruction from mom; I set my self to make the most basic south Indian breakfast the great good old upma. And my upma is ready in straight 4 mins thanks to the makers of microwave and MTR for coming up with instant dishes.
Well fortunately for me the Upma is not only edible but also good to taste, my sister gobbles up the entire chunk on my pestering and dashes out… alas now I am left with no breakfast.

The speed of my learning adds to the motivation and I say to myself, why wait for amma to make the idly, I can bake them myself while I set my self to do it. After the entire process is complete I go back and open my book on “ How to Manage Cross Functional Teams”, while on the stove my Idlys are getting baked ( I assume) 15 mins up, I go, turn down the stove and carefully place the cooker on the all polished granite slab! My Fiance calls in to check how the day is faring, I answer the call with all excitement to update him on my new initiative he calls me responsible and flowers all the good praises on me !
All is fine till here, I am happy, my mood is good; I know I can survive the tales of married life.
Then there is big horror in store for me, I open the lid only to find my last two trays are no longer idlys, my last try is a watery idly soup while my second tray is a full fledged idly cake while only my top tray appears like what looks like Idly’s…. as I clean up the mess. I think on how to get the damn thing right and what went wrong, while I fail to hit the answer, my mom shows up at the door and say’s I was all right except that the water level in the stem container was a little high. Now this is something to learn.

I go back to my book on cross functional teams, as I flip the pages( I know I am not able to concentrate) I think back on all that happened, horrors grip me, I am totally flabbergasted.. .“How will I manage the great iyengar cuisine? Will I be ever able to mix the pulliyogere in its right proportions, I question myself. At this rate I wouldn’t even come anywhere close to making stuff like koolambu, kootu and keraiamdu my daily basic food which involves list of masalas and hard core processes.

Management processes are a lot more simpler then the cooking process you can be assured of that.

Then I wonder how women manage both cooking and work. There are series of unrelated question hitting my mind, without waiting for a minute I go back and put the book on the shelf while I pull out the book on Authentic Iyengar Cuisine…..I know lot of effort has to be built- in for me to achieve the level of mastery that my folks have been tagged with. With detered hope I enter the world of kitchen… invoking the blessing of Nala know for his culinary expertise.

Stock Taking!!! Its been a month ....

Its been a month since I last updated the blog

Its been a month since my old boss left and new one came!

Its been a month since I dedicated some time for myself

Its been a month of crazy travelling

Its been a month , I flew to Bangalore from Madurai booking my tickets at half past twelve in the midnight on the day of travel

Its been a month since I spoke some nice words to people who love me!

Its been a month since I learned something new

Its been a month of un-upgraded knowledge

Its been a month of hard work

Its been a month of peace and tranquility

Its been a month , my brother flew out and flew into the country

Its been a month of fights, misunderstandings and makeups

Its been a month of good and healthy discussions

Its been a month since I watched a good movie

Its been a month since my loved ones visited me

Its been a month of good shopping

Its been a month of spending good money on things essential and things unimportant

Its been a month of some search which i know not

Its been a month of mixed emotions, mixed feelings

Its been a month and now I am waiting for my payslip!

Days have passed with hopes of tomorrow dawning, there has been a mix of good and unpleasant things but hope still lies in these eyes to see a better tomorrow!

Beyond Imperfection

** Thoughts have just been spilt! There is utter randomness in this piece of write up, you may choose to ignore this post. Its my sheer frustration taking absurd shape.

Well, Its been quiet a while since I last posted! Is it that I am too busy with work that I have no time to post?, Is that i am tied up with life that I have no time for self or is it sheer laziness?

Well I still don't have an answer... While I ponder , there are bubbles of unconnected thoughts that strike the mind.

No! Its not the related answers for the question I started looking for!

Randomly I hit many thoughts,

Why is earth such a beautiful place to live in? Who created it?

God!? Science says Big Bang! but hold on!

Whats the reason for Big Bang? Who or what was behind Big Bang?

Well where did the concept of God come in? We have been all the while in total faith and belief that the person up above does exist in same existence as ours!

Well why is that we cant see him/her? Whats the power?... now its goes unconnected!

What is power? electricity? no! more than that? Qualitative? Quantitative? who was responsible, well we all know how it gets generated! Thanks to the human mind we know how to measure.... May be not completely!

who can define infinity?

I suddenly spurge to India... What about it? Well I am an Indian! So what ?...there are 1 billion+ fellow Indians... No Its not about that...

Its about the people who live in the country and still and not satisfied!

A mode of frustration sets in now! my heart just wants to spill all of those thoughts into words with no connectivity but sheer randomness I start!

I cannot sit through the conversations! - The lunch/dinner/coffee table where people rant about the country they belong to, they live, they survive, still see the sun , moon and the stars! breathe the same air as others...

Well what is that they complain about?

It starts at a very basic level of roads in India, the potholes in the roads?

I now wonder to think, have they ever for once thought how as children they must have enjoyed the joy of seeing a filled pothole after heavy rain?

if we never had potholes we would have never known what a puddle is? We could have never enjoyed our childhood splashing rain water accounted in the puddle, sailing the paper boats made from newspapers and pamphlets!...

so why is potholes and narrow roads such a big issue today and not yesterday, when we grew up in the same lanes playing galli cricket! Lagori! didn't they at that time wonder the roads and by lanes to be narrow? why are they complaing now? Because they have grown up? seen the greener pasture of other lands ? I still don't seem to get answer!

Their next latent crib is issue about infrastructure!

one say over the coffee table " Our cities infrastructure is so bad! There is absolutely no quality of work! See "XYZ" country. Boy , the city is so clean, pure and neat! and our CM says he would transform our city like XYZ! Does he even know what it takes to reach there? even in another 50 yrs we cant!"

So I wonder what is stopping you to try? and what the hell does this person want?

Well ! I know XYZ country is clean, neat and pollution free! what about it now? Does this person know what it takes to build a country which has a heritage of 5000+ years? ruled by thousands of kings and queens and how much it takes to stand together as a country and brave the odds??? Does this person have the faintest idea how many muliticultures exist within this one country? how many ethnic groups we have? Number of existing tribes in our forest? Well so what if the rest of the world think we are snake charmers? still we do earn our bread butter! we still do lead a happy life! we still do have families who care! we still have the same sun, moon and the air! We see day just the way rest of the world see it!

Yea, now the conversation slowly drifts to power! I mean Electricity! The next person now picks up this new idea of electricity! and here goes the rant " hey guys. know what there was no power yesterday evening! its so frustrating to have no power"

Yea! seconds the other! " all the work gets pending, u know i missed the sass bi serial yesterday because of it!"

Now its my turn to think... So what if there is no power? did we not eat because there was no power? did we forget to sleep? so what is the whole issue here? my thoughts jog backward how as a kid i really enjoyed these unscheduled power cuts! it only meant long chats with appa, amma, cousins, aunts and uncles till the power was restored, we sang our way to glory with antakashri's, word buildings, GK quiz... I didn't miss any fun, I was part of it all through!

why is that a power cut today such a big issue? are we so dependent on electricity? cant we survive?

Well answer is we certainly can! Just imagine how people survived centuries back with no power all day and night! I am certain we still can do it if need arises.

Is sass bi serials so important in one's life that you really forget to look beyond it??

Well these rant continues with political carnage, pollution, weather etc etc, I already know I am choking myself and cant afford to sit there any longer! Not that I didn't air my opinion! its only that people fail to look beyond!

Folks, all I want to convey is simple! " To find true happiness, look beyond imperfections! , you will certainly find it!" True Happiness does not exist in Luxury, State of Art Technology... It exist in each heart bundled as moments of bliss, experience it everyday, all through!

Just see and count all the good things we already have!

Instead of being happy and blessed, we rant and crib....Can you do something about it? change the system! Please go ahead and do! we support your cause!

Else if you are helpless like me, at least please don't turn down my country! Remember you still live here, you still breathe here! its your country, Its our country!

We certainly owe quiet a lot to existence and nature!Lets stay blissful!

Life in Earthly Paradise---

Warning
*** Read it at your own risk, the Blog can get really boring!
*** Its just some life experiences and no high intentioned meanings, take away or gyans!
*** It’s a tribute to all those who have made my life beautiful while I know this blog is just not a substitute to feel grateful.
*** Thoughts don’t emerge in order, the flow of writing may not be logical.

There are some memories that cannot be described in words, some that are too trivial to waste words for, some that are too precious to be put to words and some that are so limitless that they cannot be bound by words.

Memoirs from College Days quiet seem to qualify for all these types. Just 3 hours in the College campus had all the memories gushing back with tremendous force. Hitting hard on life’s experiences in the past!
Memories which are invaluable to those which are worthless filled the space, while I enjoyed every bit of Kalayani ( Raga) as it evolved from the singer, so did the past ,once in glory!

As a student I dreaded going to college, the Graduation program. As a reader you might think that “I must be insane to have disliked College Days”, whatever you may want to think, this was a nightmarish phases for me not till I met the eight most beautiful souls. For all I am today I owe due credits to them for making that phase of my life sail smooth through the turbulent waters.

For some strange reason, I opted to pursue pure science (Don’t ask me why, for I don’t know the answer). The very first week in the course I realized the blunder which for no reason at that point could be undone.

The only familiarity at this point to me was the college itself from my stay in past years , its strong grey walls, the sturdy wooden benches while all faced the black board exclusive two benches faced the either sides towards the right or left depending on the class room alignment ( I am not too certain if this tradition of side benches still décor the class rooms in the college),the corridor -in which I had stood barely few months backs flipping through the pages of the text in a vain attempt towards the final preparations either for the lab test or board exams were the only familiar things except a few known faces of college staff.

While the entire janta proceeded either to covet the famous Engineering Degree or Doctors’ I stayed back with hardly any motivation to move on.
The moments only taught me the true meaning and feeling of failure despite clearing the board papers with fairly good grades!
The only solace was the good afternoon siesta which I could get after the classes closed at 12:30 pm.

While few known faces now were my final resort to kill the loneliness which lingered right from the day the course began. The once known faces are now a part life anchoring the bonds of friendship to what it truly means.
They were not from the same class as mine, nor were they from the same department, they were cradled in a completely different streams, came in from a different interest group with different career objective still something clearly bound us together and then started the journey for life time, the winds of north finally changed its direction, for the life became more vibrant, more lively. As they welcomed me to the nest which was built on sheer happiness, fun and love.

Time now seemed to move at a fast pace for me, as I now recall the good old days while each of us would stand by the other in a group, chit chat our heart, while we named every other person in the college be it seniors, juniors, classmates with none to spare from weirdest of names we named for our very own identification purpose from Intro to patch up , from Coffee pudi to Jeans from Sonu to kid namkarana (Naming Ceremony)became part and parcel of our group activity while each one would try to get as creative and logical with the name we could get.
This did not stop just to name others we went a little beyond to name our own would-be families it topped with Nana, nina, avana, ivana and so went on the list of our naming gimmicks.

Each class break would only mean dash to the nearest class just to catch up on the quick talks. The long breaks were always welcome while we shared the breakfast which the mothers would earnestly cook religiously every morning, while we ate the assortment of food from each dabba and shared jokes and each persons days must share tales, time would surpass the allotted hour while each of us dashed to be just in time for the attendance call in our respective class, or just in time before the Prof. came in and closed the door barring entry to the late comers.
Energy levels would be high over the Wall journals with creativity flowing from all the ignited minds in the making of “Minds Eye”.

Bunking class was another classic activity for us. As I managed to bunk the Physics or Math’s lecture with differentiation and integration sounding absolute gibberish to me, while I made it a point to attend Psychology or Journalism during those hours just to have some class room fun. These Prof’s had actually assumed that I belonged to their department and how baffled they were to realize one day I was actually from a totally alien department!

The girls would unanimously choose to bunk any hour if I had a free hour or I would bunk just to stay with them during their free hour.

Everyday routine of dashing to chitra’s house waking her up at 7:00 am and hurriedly carrying ourselves at super jet speed to cover distance of 1 km in record time of 7 mins just to be in time for the first hour class at 7:30 is something I wonder to this day, on the level of commitment we had, to get up at that earthly hour and rush to college religiously.

Our balcony sightings - excitements created post sighting the popular people in the quadrangle would just add on to fun while I raised both my hands in appreciation and the rest of them keenly followed the moments of the wanna bees.

The excitement in getting to know the true/actual name of people and how enthusiastic we would be to announce the actual name of the person in the quick talk breaks is something nostalgic. (I can still vividly remember how I was introduced to one of my fellow seniors whom the girls had named and the moment I got some news how eager I was to share that with the girls and the speed at which I had dashed out while a totally different surprise was in store as the girls gave in the name before even I could open my mouth)

Our walks to our very own adda which we named SL while we sat on the katte and spoke tales and shared stories around the world. Many of the life meaningful experiences seemed to evolve then- In short the Gyan sessions!

Our short walks to the Heritage before we all departed for the day, as we gobbled a samosa or managed to lay the hands to tempting brownies or least if the month end was round the corner all we could afford were the Bowring Kulfis and the chillness which it would be shared rest of the girls as each one of us called out “taste maddae!”.

As the girls spoke of Freud, or discussed Tempest and enlightened me on Child Psychology to Educational Psychology while sharing the concept of cognitive behaviors virtually prepared me to be their subject of study for practical exam.
Little tit bits I shared with them were only related to Astro physics and nothing beyond it for they felt no need to know how the earth revolved in orbit, their only statement was “As long as its in orbit we don’t have to worry, let it mind its job” would always fascinate me at the level of coolness each one had.

The way Chits and me would wake up every year-end with realization on the existence of an entity called library only get our NOC’s from the librarian to pay the our exam fee is something which still intrigues me at the level of indifference we carried for the entity all along our stay in college!

The way my senior friend would try hard to motivate me to study. He would insist I prove those dreadful theorems, he would sit there with a Math text coaching me on how to apply those dreadful theorems while teaching me the shortcuts to arrive at the solution and my playful nature to just gossip with all around while he solved all my problems, later with a realization on the worldly happenings encompassed with all irritation he would yell “You can look at guys later, you have your whole life for that! Now will you please concentrate here?” and me being me would combat the harsh statements and yell back saying I was not too keen to learn.
Apologizing and realizing my nature and reason for those spontaneous outbursts, he would try to motivate and cajole me saying I really had the potential in me but had no drive and If I did put in a little hard work I would go places in my career and alas all these motivation would finally fall on dead ears!

The time for record submission, the way I would stealthily approach my friend and ask if I could borrow his previous years records just for reference purpose and he realizing the underlying intention would give it to me after some good amount of persuation , with a familiar statement for the next two years being “ Don’t copy the values, you will not get the correct output in the exam if you copy them, just keep it as a reference only” with immediate reply being, I wish you had not submitted , I would have used the same copy and saved my self 2 hrs of laborious writing every week! Invariably both of us would crackle with the roars of laughter!

Memories are now flowing like a river of thoughts.
The way chits and Anu had pulled me out from Physics lab with a strange reason that I was a key member in the Psychology fest Transcend this incident left my prof with perplexed emotion on the role of a physics student in the psychology festival.

Our adventures in rain also have left with other fellow students with baffled looks, the MTR Ice cream in Cee-gees is what I still remember to this date. Competition between Anu and Chits on highest number of Ice cream which they could gulp in the rain is something which still lingers down the memory lane.

Our sudden outburst of excitement to watch some Hindi hip hop movies and our only resort being either the Abhinay Theater or Cauvery theater which played movies exclusively for the our college tailored timings @10:30 am and how we would sneak out of the college building and feel safe inside the movie hall while we commented and critiqued the movie in and out and later come back to adda just to sit on the katte and continue our tales.

The fast approaching exams only meant heaps and heaps of photocopies the girls had to make to prepare themselves for the exams, while I was saved this trouble of photocopying, I grappled with all the theorems in analytical geometry and tried to mug the Fourier theorem trying to relate how I could use all of them in the future and the very thought would send chill vibes to the spine on the complexity of usage of baseless theorems in my life!
I am very grateful and happy that I really haven’t used a single theorem for application in the last 8 yrs.

Memories like these can bring in a tear or two with a fragile smile. I fail to understand the frequency of thoughts connected to multiple variables like smiles, tears and goads of emotion. There seems to be multiple effects from just these passing thoughts …..

For all those who have managed to read till this line. “ With a bow Thank you very much, you really have high patience levels”

Special Thanks to all those people who have been a part of this life to have tailored these blissful moments in my life.

VSCAN-K - Jai Ho!

The Day- It was!

Birthdays are meant to feel special, pampered and above all celebrate with grandeur. This year’s birthday had all these fragments neatly intertwined in a day! ( I thank god for all the good things I have)

As a young girl, I would always look forward for the month of April for it always meant beginning of summer vacations! No School, No studies, No home work but only 2 full months of fun and frolic.

Nestled in the month of April is the day for which I would make big plans as child, young girl and now a lady, for It is time to celebrate and mark the presence of yet another passed year on the homely planet!.

The D- Day usually started with a warm hug from my sister and wishing from all my uncles and aunts in the family.

As a little child I wore the most prettiest dress which amma would carefully pick for the occasion and I would also decide the dress which I would wear to the temple, at home and for the party in the evening.

If somebody walked past the home in the early morning hours of the D- day, they would surely realize that celebrations in the family was round the corner for aroma from specially prepared mysore pak with lots of ghee, sugar and love would attract everyone right from the Tharkari amma ( Vegetable vendor) to helper at home. They would eagerly wish me with love and care for the little girl growing up in the neighbourhood. With the most brilliant smile I would reply" Thank you" while I adored the dress and showed them the intricate lace work or embroidery on the frocks and skirts they would delicately feel the lace work with nervous hands not to dirty the priced possession of the child!

The day would be packed with excitement right from visiting the temple, seeking the blessing of the almighty& elders, distributing the chocolates & sweets specially prepared for the occasion by amma, inviting extended family members to join the dinner party @ night, chatting with cousins and jabbering unlimitedly with friends on the phone always assured a sense of warmth and feeling of belonging. I secretly smiled in the heart of hearts for all the care they showered .

I would crash for a siesta with a great longing for the evening to arrive.

Before even I could realize it would be time to feel like a princess. Dressed in the best attires with amma's permission and direction I would step out to invite kids in the neighbourhood for the party @ 7.

While I felt like a princess, frisked and danced the whole day, amma would be busy in the kitchen preparing the mouth watering delicacies for the evening. While I always had a condition that every delicacy be different from the previous year, amma would have a tough time comprehending to these demands, she would convince me on some and agreed on the rest ensuring that they are the best and her guests always left a remark for such a good meal.

Appa would come early from work just to be in time for the party while he carried home the fresh cream cake from Nilgiris which I would long for, always keen to know the shape of the cake ,how it looked, the colour of it and number of cherries and gems it was adored with ! He would advise me to stay away. I cherish these moments, a total bliss in itself.

As the clock ticked 7, the air would be filled with bursting of balloons, screeching for whistles and Birthday song, every time somebody in the choir would miss a line and the whole bunch of kids would crackle with laughter!

Gifts were given and taken with gratitude. With utmost curiosity all the kids would sit around the gifts and me being the proud owner would command which gift to be opened next with the curiosity of what the pack contained. While I played LIDO, Snake and Ladder and more games with the family and friends it would be time for curtains down on the day!

..........and Days have passed by and now for random thoughts flashes yet again… For there are such beautiful and blissful memories I can cherish for all through my life, live the childhood every single day and every moment is special .

This birthday rekindled all these lovely memories from my childhood, with a feeling of being special, showered with love and care, I think back on all the happiness that is around and how as mortals we seem to miss these little sacred fragments of happiness in search of the "Unknown..........."

A note before you leave this page.

Enjoy everyday for it is blissful in its own way! Lets try to appreciate little happiness and thank all those who make a difference to add to this happiness.

A big "Thank You" to all of you who have been a reason behind this happiness in my life and for making it vibrant and blissful!