Appa -The moment you set your first gaze on me, you fell in love with me. I can’t remember how I felt L
You picked me in your hands, as I felt the warmth of love you placed a kiss on my cheek
I wrapped my little hand over your finger tight and you smiled setting confidence in me.
You made me stand on my legs, made to take the first little flight When I feared the fall, you opened your arms and I landed straight into them.
You brought me toys, week after week on every Sunday evening took me to Cubbon Park
Bought be candies, when I clumsily smeared them around my face with a smile on your face and twinkle in your eyes you cleaned them for me making me look pretty again.
You held me like a doll, pampered me like pet, when I woke up from nightmares you cuddled me close to you filling in the sense of security.
You brushed my teeth, polished my shoe, put them on me and carried my satchel till school van while I cried and moaned not to go without you.
I waited for you at the gate waiting the clock to strike 5:30, amma’s calling for milk always went in vain. I waited with batted breath to hear the horn from your scooter. Marking your arrival I ran into the front climbed over pushing your hands which obstructed my entry, while with smile you took me around showing me the entire neighborhood.
You carried me on your shoulder and crossed the KRS dam just because I wouldn’t budge till you showed me crocodiles in Ranganthittu and color fountains in KRS.
(I remember it was bus strike and you managed to carry your 7 yr old on your shoulder half way through Srirangapatna till we got a lift till Mysore
I sat on your lap, narrated the days incidents with all patience you heard me out. My pesters to buy me new pen/box from the market were never ever turned down. While I still cried and moaned you never ever raised your hands. You enjoyed my tantrums and I enjoyed putting some.
You ensured you gave me top class education. You made me learn on my own, you made realize my follies, and you stood by me at the time of distress and helped me overcome my fear.
You made me stay independent, you helped me make and take decisions, and you induced a sense of confidence to face the world boldly with integrity.
You were my backbone, my pillar of support my everything, my whole world.
I backed on you for every small thing or big thing I did, and never ever once did you confront me. Your trust in me is so deep rooted even when I faulted you only showed me the ways of overcoming my shortfalls.
I really cannot comprehend the reason as to why you left me alone to brave this world so early when both you and I knew I was still not prepared to take this challenge, when I needed you the most.
Its already 9 months since you left us, I feel so void without you. I have many people around me who love me, care for me still I feel so void and lonely at heart.
I always long for those moments to come back
Where I sat on your lap, cuddled in your arms, argued with you, when you caressed my cheeks and said “Pavum Kolandai”, when you would come to me and say “Come let’s discuss or I want to discuss with you” when you handed money on every karthi festival with a smile and just the same blessing “All the best” year after year. Where you carried a glass of milk everynight to my bed and ensured I had milk with no drop to spare and carried back the empty glass to mom in the kitchen.
You are irreplaceable. Life without you is so void and dull.
I wish I had a little more time to talk to you, to listen to you, to feel your presence, to feel your protection, to feel your care, to get your love.... I miss you pa...I love you pa.
